They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
