at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
