Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
where are you?
Hypothermia
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
