thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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