I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
