Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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