you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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