do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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