I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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