oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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