puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
