dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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