a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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