I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
