It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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