Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
