Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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