guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
