hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
