i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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