i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
