You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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