Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
