I bet he comes in French.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
