yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Randomize
