Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
