I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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