Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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