i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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