Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
