either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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