How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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