Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
