Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
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I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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