hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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