Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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