i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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