can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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