The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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