i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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