omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
