Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
