So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
