How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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