What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i've created a new STD.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
