He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
