This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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