Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
