pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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