I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
