What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
