oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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