Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
