she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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