I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
