I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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