so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
