we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
