The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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