this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
