so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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