my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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