Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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