the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
