I just threw up on my dentist
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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