like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
