oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
