ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
