i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
