she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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