he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
nutella sex= disaster
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
